Gettin’ jiggly with it!
Strange how conceiving a baby, which usually relies on some sort of sex, can wreak havoc on your sex life for the next nine months.
One shag creates the problem for all future shags!
Unfortunately for The Husband, baby number two took no time at all to conceive. A couple of shags was all it took. Compared to Lil’Mem took a full three years to appear in conception!
‘Wish I’d of got a bit longer at the trying phase’ he says. ‘Mate, poor you!’ say other blokes.
Apparently in ‘man world’ the ‘trying’ bit is in fact the best bit of pregnancy! To be fair, thinking about it all, they could have a point there!
Sex is the last thing on my mind!
Some women can’t get enough sex when they’re pregnant. Others can’t stand the thought.
For me personally, during this pregnancy, bar a few odd randomly horny days, sex has been the last thing on my mind. There is no particular urge there.
Even if there was I would be too tired to do anything about it. Sleep is my main priority and sex tends to get in the way of sleep!
So unfortunately for my husband, our sex life appears to be pretty much non-existent until further notice. Fortunately for me I don’t think he seems to mind much!
In between family life, running a business and having Lil’Mem around he seems to be just as tired and sleep prioritising as myself!
I’m sure that somewhere down the line, probably when I have got over the whole ‘giving birth’ thing. Once I have had time to process the labour related damage done. Then maybe when this baby starts sleeping through the night. Perhaps then, maybe then, our sex life will resume; perhaps somewhere in the next six to nine months or so!
Our days of ‘drunken shags’ are over!
We are not one of those couples that this spells the end of the world for. Neither of us feel the need to be having sex constantly to feel like our relationship is working.
We were together for eight years before Lil’Mem was conceived. Eight, worry free, years of nocturnal activity without the risk of a child walking into the boudoir.
Our time of ‘having to have each other’ and many, many drunken shags is well behind us!
Instead, we have now moved onto the next phase in our relationship.
Together, we know each other, probably more than ourselves. There is nothing we are not comfortable around each other about, and we are plainly each other’s’ best friend and rocks.
The trust, love and comfort in our relationship is the best bit. If we happen to have sex occasionally it’s just an added bonus!
I know, however that this is not the case for everyone.
I have read posts on ‘Mumsnet’ and other forums and social media groups, about women who feel tremendous pressure from their partners to have sex a lot more than they are comfortable with.
Quite worryingly, especially just after having a baby. Every women needs time to heal in one way or another! Similarly, there are women who are desperate to have sex more often than their partners want to.
Some people are just more sexually driven than others, and that’s perfectly fine! I wish my sex drive was ramped up a couple of gears sometimes!
Why the hell would I want to have sex now?!
Just before I went into labour with Lil’Mem, I was told to make sure that I didn’t have sex. The Midwife has just confirmed my waters had broken. They then start to worry about possible infections; I wasn’t even allowed bath!
I remember thinking that that was a pretty mental suggestion; why the hell would I want to have sex now?
It felt like I was constantly leaking wee in an odd incontinence type fashion. Do I really need you to remind me not to have sex?
That is literally the last thing I would want to do now. Period.
It took me a while to consider the fact that sex may well be some peoples favourite way to pass the time. In which case this would be very vital information for them!
Whichever camp you fall in, the have lots or the have nots; I’m guessing that at some point during your pregnancy, you will have sex.
There are probably a huge number of myths that you have heard regarding sex during pregnancy. These can lead to a lot of questions around ‘doing the deed’ and may even prevent you from ‘getting right down to it’!
Lets address these now; if you want it honey, you go for it!
A quick heads up!
Just a heads up before we get into this one, I will be repeating some sort of variation of the following phrase in this post:
‘Unless you have been specifically advised to/not to by your Doctor, Midwife or other primary care provider’.
I apologise in advance for this repetition but it is important! Whilst all of the advice I provide is good advice and is as up to date, relevant and accurate as I can possibly make it. It is not to be substituted for that of your medical professionals.
They ultimately know best and more specifically what is best for your unique situation – if you are ever in doubt or worried about anything during your pregnancy, ask them and check it out!
Your sex during pregnancy questions answered:
Am I going to hurt baby?
No, you are not going to hurt your baby by having sex during pregnancy.
It doesn’t matter what position you are having sex in either. You will not hurt baby.
The amniotic sac, strong muscles of your uterus and your mucus plug protect your baby from the outside.
And no, baby will have absolutely no idea what you are up to either!
Man version: will I hit baby’s head? Come one love – that’s thinking a bit optimistically…
This is one of the only worries that men have during pregnancy.
The fear that they will somehow manage to poke the baby in the head with their penis.
Seriously guys, even now you have to make your penile length your main concern here?!
Well I am here to clear this one up, once and for all.
The internal length of a woman’s vagina, or birth canal, is somewhere between 3 and 7 inches, depending on their state of arousal. The cervix, a rigid barrier, sits at the end.
If you’ve ever had a feel around ‘in there’ that hard thing at towards the back of the vagina, that is the cervix. That is the bit that is protecting the uterus, that is holding the baby.
Even if you are optimistic enough to think that you will make it to the end of your partners vagina with your mighty penis; you ain’t getting past the cervix love.
There is no chance of you getting anywhere near your baby’s head with your humongous todger. So don’t worry!
Sex during pregnancy will not mentally scar your unborn child. You won’t get anywhere near it and even if you did, they would have a clue what was going on anyway!
Is sex during pregnancy good for you?
Unless you have been told to avoid sex during your pregnancy by any of your care providers; yes.
Sex during pregnancy can come with some added benefits:
- It is a great way to stay connected with your partner,
- Sex helps burns some extra calories (because all of us have probably had a few more biscuits than we probably should have!)
- There is the potential to help keep your blood pressure lower,
- It can help you sleep better,
- Ease some of those pregnancy aches and pains!
You may also find that you enjoy sex during pregnancy more than you might otherwise do.
Thank your raging mess of hormones for this one (about the only thing you can be grateful to them for!)
So if you feel like it, go for it, if you don’t, don’t!
Can sex during pregnancy cause a miscarriage?
For the vast majority of women (i.e. unless your doctor has specifically told you otherwise!); there is no evidence that sex during pregnancy can cause a miscarriage.
Although there isn’t much research to date relating to first trimester miscarriages, there is no know association between sexual activity and miscarriage.
Similarly, there has been no association found between sexual activity and pre-term birth.
Unfortunately this one does put a bit of a dampener of the old wives tale that sex can induce labour.
One particular study looking at women at full term pregnancy (37+ weeks gestation) found no change in the odds of spontaneous labour between couples who increased their sexual activities and those who didn’t.
A bit of a bummer if you are trying to speed things along at the end!
Is it OK to Orgasm during pregnancy?
Yes, unless as your doctor, midwife or other primary care provider has told you otherwise. This would only be in a handful of rare cases.
It is perfectly safe to orgasm during pregnancy. If you want to and it feels good, why not?!
As for the answers relating to sex during pregnancy, having an orgasm has not been linked to either miscarriage or pre-term labour during pregnancy.
In late pregnancy an orgasm can set off mild contractions, known as Braxton Hicks contractions. During these contractions, you’ll feel the muscles of the womb go hard. Braxton Hicks contractions can be uncomfortable, but they are perfectly normal and no cause for alarm.
Remember if you are ever worried about anything during your pregnancy, always check with your midwife or doctor. They have seen it all before and will be able to reassure you or provide you with the help you need.
Similarly, I will add here, that just as for sex during pregnancy; masturbation (unless you have been specifically told not to by your doctor or midwife) is also perfectly safe during pregnancy.
It surprised me to find so many women asking for an answer as to whether or not masturbation during pregnancy was OK during my research for this post.
Maybe it is something to do with it still being perceived as relatively taboo to talk about women masturbating in general. Perhaps this is why some women still perceive it to be not good, dangerous or just bad, and therefore it must be much worse during pregnancy.
Come on lady, its safe, its natural and its nothing to be embarrassed about. If men are allowed theirs, we sure as hell are entitled to ours!
If the mood takes you and you feel like it, then go for it! You never know you may even get treated to a release whole host of stress busting, relaxing and feel good natural chemicals as a bonus!
When is sex during pregnancy not safe?
You doctor, midwife or other care provider will advise you if they think you should abstain from sex for some or all of your pregnancy.
Sometimes sex without orgasm (sorry lady!) may be permitted or only non-penetrative sex may be allowed. They will tell you! However, if you are ever in any doubt, ask!
Sex will probably be restricted in the following circumstances:
- if you have a history of preterm labour or premature birth (or if you are experiencing any symptoms of these),
- should you be experiencing unexplained vaginal bleeding or are leaking amniotic fluid,
- if you’ve been diagnosed with placenta previa or an incompetent cervix,
- or if you are carrying multiples.
When should I stop having sex during pregnancy?
Again, unless you have been told otherwise by any of your care providers (and I’m sure you wouldn’t forget being advised something of this nature!), there is no time during your pregnancy that you need to stop having sex.
It is not advisable to have sex if you are having contractions (and I would possibly think this is one time you would NOT want to be having sex anyway!), and you should not have sex if your waters have broken.
Apart from these times, keep going for as long through your 9 months as you feel like!
When should I get help?
Some cramping and even spotting is normal following sex during pregnancy. But, if you experience any of the following during or following sex during pregnancy, get checked out by your doctor or midwife straight away:
- Painful cramping that doesn’t go away quickly (anything lasting over 30 minutes)
- Pain during intercourse
- Bleeding (more than light spotting or a little blood when you wipe – think; ‘if you need a pad, its bad!’) during or following intercourse
- Leaking of amniotic fluid
Similarly, if anything just ‘doesn’t feel right’ don’t worry about getting yourself checked out. It is always better to be safe and reassured than sorry!
You are the best judge of yourself and your body so listen to what its telling you!
The long and the short of this one is; if you feel like ‘getting down to it’ then unless you have been told otherwise, feel free to ‘get right on it’ as often and for as long as you like during pregnancy!